Grieving the loss Week 127: Everybody Needs a Steve

I must share an experience.  One of my smoke detectors started to beep. An intentionally annoying sound that prompts a battery change. Of course, the smoke detector is on the ceiling and can be accessed only by ladder. And, given my age and history of fractures, my children made me promise to avoid ladders unless I was wearing bubble wrap. It took only a phone call to Steve.  Within a few hours, the beep was gone. 

Steve is a young man who has been a family friend for years. When Lee died, he said, “Your safety is my concern now”. Although I didn’t know, Lee and Steve had discussed my need for help with chores. And he has been there to help with many of the chores that I could not do myself. 

If you do not have an “on call” person for emergencies, it may be worth developing a list so you can call when the beep starts. Social contacts are a good first place to start: family, friends, members of a church, or a social organization. For some of my friends, organizations like “Visiting Angels” provide services for a reasonable fee. There is an app called NextDoor where people are willing to do chores and list their availability. 

End of the Journey  Tending to the Heart.

A client of mine was given a terminal diagnosis.  She was understandably upset and asked me how she could possibly find peace. During my years in geriatric nursing, I cared for many people in their final days. Let me share some of these observations with you. 

  Peace often seemed to come through connection with others.  Saying things that underlie the connection were especially helpful. “I love you”, “I’m sorry”, “ I forgive you’, “thank you”, and “Goodbye”. These five important conversations can bring a sense of settling to the spirit. 

Having these conversations with the people you see every day is probably something you do. But what about people you don’t see often? Letter writing leaves a permanent message that those you leave behind can often read as they mourn your passing. Recording messages is much easier with today’s technology. Smartphones typically have a voice memo feature so you can simply speak, save, and send. 

If the time comes when these efforts are challenging, know that just sitting in the quiet presence of someone can ease a lifetime of weight.