Caregiver Journey: The Near Enemy of Caregiving

In Buddhist teaching, every virtue has a far enemy and a near enemy. Think of virtue as our ideal self, the way we want to be. The far enemy is the obvious opposite: cruelty is the far enemy of compassion, hatred is the far enemy of loving-kindness, and jealousy is the far enemy of joy. The near enemy is more subtle because it looks like the virtue but quietly distorts it. Pity may look like compassion, attachment may look like love, and indifference may look like calm acceptance.

As I consider the role of caregiver, I see it explains those times when we are just not on our “A” game; when our caring has lost balance, rest, or truth. The near enemy of compassion is not cruelty—it is exhaustion. The near enemy of hope is not despair—it is discouragement. The near enemy of faithful caregiving is believing that you must carry every burden alone.

Pay attention to the small shifts. When patience grows thin, when resentment quietly appears, or when you can no longer remember the last time you rested, these are not signs of failure. The near enemy is a reminder that you, too, need care. Strength is not found in never needing help. It is found in receiving grace, encouragement, and support that allow you to keep loving well.

Strength is not found in never needing help. Lee’s daughters, Catherine and Susan, came to stay the last weeks of Lee’s illness. What a blessing to have them here.